I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin…

Last year, Brian Roberts had a wonderful roid-infested season forthe Baltimore Orioles. Never mind the fact that he only started hitting
after Sammy Sosa and Rafael Palmeiro joined the team. I’m sure he’s
clean, I mean hey, he’s white and he’s (s)crappy!  I’m sure Brady Anderson (1996 Version) would be very proud.

Cleveland
Indians DH Travis Hafner was on the ESPN radio’ Mike & Mike
this morning. Before interviewing the Vin Diesel lookalike, one of the
Mikes mentioned that he came out of nowhere to be an AL MVP candidate
last year. Never mind that he was only the BEST ******* HITTER IN
BASEBALL THAT WASNT ON ROIDS (or Denver, Colorado) the year before.  Then, in 2005, Hafner had the second best OPS in the American League, behind only Gayrod.  Usually I make fun of "underrated" players, but this guy seriously deserves some credit.

Who
the **** is Chris Shelton? Oh yeah, he’s some crappy fatass who can hit
Royals pitching. Move along, nothing to see here. Maybe one day people
will mistake him for Todd Helton and buy his baseball cards by accident.

I
think the Mariners are going to be good this year. Yeah, I know, Ichiro
and Richie "I’m too" Sexson are their only good players, but I really
think the rest of the lineup has a decent chance to be average.

The
Brewers are really good. Ben Sheets and Doug Davis are two of the best
pitchers in baseball. Chris Crapuano, Tomokazu Ohka and David "W" Bush
are all very good. Every day will be a tough matchup for opposing
teams. JJ Hardy will be the first *** All-Star since Mike Piazza. Geoff
"Swing Harder" Jenkins is looking like the same player who hit
.332/.401/.623 after the all-star break last season, and is my
darkhorse MVP candidate. Carlos Lee, while overrated, is still a legit
30 HR/100 RBI guy. The rest of the lineup, including Prince Fielder,
Rickie Weeks, Corey Koskie, Damian Miller, and Brady Clark, are all
above average at their respective positions. Future Hall of Famer Corey
"Shades" Hart and super-utility man Bill "Clapclap clap" Hall lead what
may be the deepest bench in the majors.

Anyone remember that
movie The Fan? Man I hate John Kruk. I’m glad DeNiro killed him. It
would have been better if he would have killed Kruk AND Barry Roids,
but really, how can I complain?

To round out this post, here are my picks for the MLB ALL (S)CRAPPY TEAM:

C  Jason Kenall
1B Jeff Conine
2B Craig Counsell
SS David Eckstein
3B Chone Figgins
LF Scott Podsednik
CF Brady Clark
RF Lew Ford

P Kip Wells

These
guys know how to hustle. They play the game the way its meant to be
played. They’re the grittiest, scrappiest, hardest-working battlers
this side of Derek Jeter. And they are all crappy white guys. No
offense to token black guy Chone Figgins, you’re a true gamer as well.
INTANGIBLES.